Control Issues!

Dear Blogairy,
I'm about to clean out the fridge, but first I thought I'd write about the fight SB and I just had while it's fresh in my mind. I'm even living dangerously and writing it while he's home. If he walked in right now he would look at what I was doing (as I quickly tried to hide this screen) and ask, "are you writing a BLOG????", and then make fun of me/get upset about it. He says I always think I know what he's going to do, I guess he's right.
Anyway, our fight was partly about alcohol, partly about where we want to live. Two hot topics in our household. Mostly though, I think it's about control. I want to live in the country, he wants to live somewhere he doesn't have to drive long distances to get to work. I want him to stop buying alcohol and he wants to continue. We both drink way too much, and I know that my self control is bad. I'm hung over at least once a week, and he drinks twice as much (or more) then I do. To me, that's a sign we need to cut down. I also feel really unhealthy and out of control in general. It's getting too hard making him happy and going along with things the way he wants to do them. I started looking at one bedrooms in Chatham and told him I was seriously considering moving out by myself. I love him very much, but he either makes me feel guilty about not wanting to do things his way or he flat out threatens me if I don't.
He just came in and asked if I was writing a e-mail bashing him. I told him "yes, how did you know?" I just can't stand questions like that! Then he sat at his computer behind me for 10 minutes until I just got up and started cleaning out the fridge. Now everything is out on the counter. I guess I better deal with that pretty soon.
I just feel so out of control when I'm with him. I can't eat what I want, because he's always making me these nice meals that I have to eat, which is really lovely, but if I was hungry 2 hours before that I'm damn well going to eat something. Then if I don't feel like eating much of his meal I hate it. He's a very sweet man, but he way too sensitive.
I just can't understand why driving an extra 10-15 minutes in not worth living in a much nicer place. Here are two pictures of places from Craigslist that I stole to illustrate my point.








The first one is right next to the kinderhook!

Here is the sexy view I get to look out at every day...




At least I have this too....



sigh!

Is that all there is?

Dear Blogairy,
You have to love something that gets insane joy from me making kissy noises and saying "Hi" over and over again. That dog is my soul. She's my hero.
So what did I do today? I took PVB for a walk. It's frigid out there. The wind makes matters even worse. It didn't seem to bother the Pup. I woke up around noon, didn't shower. I feel disgusting. I went to the store, picked up some avocado rolls, and a salad. I ate them while watching a lot of "It's always sunny in Philadelphia" and working on my psych take home tests. I finished one and am working on the second while I chug 20s of coors lite. This really the life, I've got to tell you.

The Pup and oops, I'm fucked!

PVB is really chowing down on the rawhide bone I got her. I like to refer to them as "gross bones". This one is soon to be gross.
I just found out the Psych take home test I've been so studiously working on for the last 4 hours was due Monday. I wrote my professor and told her my father in law died last week (true) and that I've been very distracted by this (also true) and that I really thought the test was due next Monday (lie!). I'm hoping for an extension, this way I can make the horror of completing this take home test last another week. If she says no, I'll be sort of relieved, this thing has been hanging over my head for weeks. I actually had to schedule two days of work off to do it. Well, I did go to my second job. This what happens when you have two jobs, go to school and are haphazardly trying to have some sort of home life at the same time. I think I'll go finish watching Kurosaija's Dreams and work on my alcoholism for the rest of the night. I've been so stressed out I've been alternating beers with diet cokes since 3 this afternoon. I'm surprised I can even type.

The Great Depression

Dear Blogairy,
I'm not sure what I want to write here. I'm not planning on telling anyone about this blog. You'll just be my secret for now. I have nothing of any interest to say anyway.
SB and I have been Married for one month today. I woke him up to kiss him good night and I said "Happy Anniversary", and he didn't say anything. Typical SB.
I'm sort of glad I had to work tonight. It broke me out of the lazy-immobile funk I've been in for the last 48 hours. I should still be studying since I'm awake, but I'm too burned out.
JS wrote me sort of long weird letter about how he misses me. It's the first real contact he's made with me for more than a year. It almost sounded like something an AA member would write to someone he felt he wronged, but wasn't sure exactly what he'd done. Anyway, it was nice to know that I mean enough to him to get a weird AA letter. It makes my heart feel warm.
JB called me this morning at 7:30am to tell me she called into work. I didn't answer, but felt compelled to call her back. I was sure she was stuck in a ditch bleeding somewhere. She just wanted props for calling in. I handed them out. She should call in more often. What's the use of building up all that trust as a great worker if you can't abuse it sometime.
I'm excited about the prospect of our country being in a recession. I know it's horrible, and in reality I would probably just die if the economy collapsed. Still, the anarchist in me wants something big to happen. I need a creative outlet. I need explosions and passion and blood and paint. I want to live on a farm in a Yukon territory and starve half the year. I want to plot and assassinate. Ahhhh. I can't even find the time to take an art class. Who am I to be saying this anyway?

Christmas List

SB-Bike
JB-Gnome, glass pitcher
NV-Jewlrey?
LV-Vest, snow shoe things, hat
LV-Whatever
SS-Book (journal) or something celtic
MAP-Coach change purse, scarf
MM-Thing for rhonda, brew book
PK-Cat rug, movie
AR-Book on end of times, mayan prophacy
DK-Cookbook or movie
TJ-Book on psychology
FC-Cookbook or gardening book
TL-Trashy romance
LB-????
M&R-Basket
W-Basket
JM-Basket?
D-Book